1. Your colleague, Jeremy or something asks if you want to march for your company at Pride but you work for HSBC because you're a sellout. Do you:
A) Slap that 1ltr skinny latte out of his soft hands and yell "Pride is a political protest, Jeremy you shameless corporate shill!!!!"
B) Tell him you'll likely have diarrhoea that day and then write a blog post lambasting the commercialisation of Pride behind his back.
C) Excitedly jump at the opportunity and demand to march shirtless and hope you meet Tom Daley.
2. Your white gay boy friend, Mark or something pops up on your Grindr, you see that his profile states he "just isn't into Asian guys, sorry!" but "really wants that black D!". Do you:
A) Confront that racist and call him out on his exclusion and fetishisation of ethnic minority groups. Ask him how he, as a member of a persecuted community can feed into the persecution of others, before suggesting he's just as bad as an evil fictional character like Joffrey or Voldemort or Ross from Friends.
B) Don't say anything to him directly but screenshot his profile and anonymously post it on Tumblr
C) Go round to Mark's for mimosas and sympathetically nod your head as he explains how his views aren't racist they're just "a preference".
3. Your good girlfriend, Sandra or something is having a hen party and wants you to wear a 'gay best friend' sash. Do you:
A) Make a very loud "AGH" noise and remind Sandra that you're nobody's token gay friend, tell her she'll have to enjoy the delights of Southend without you.
B) Begrudgingly go and wear the sash but sardonically live tweet the event from a sticky booth in Revs.
C) Not only shriek when presented with said sash but suggest Sandra and her New Look sales rack of a friendship group go to a Soho karaoke bar and sing "I kissed a girl" whilst you Facebook-live the whole thing.
4. You see Caitlyn Jenner on TV shaking Donald Trump's hands and advocating nuclear war. Do you:
A) Acknowledge that her transness doesn't absolve her from being trash and actively support and promote more positive role models in the community instead.
B) Grimace and hope Kim has a word with her next season
C) Shout "werk mama!" and wonder if Donald Trump could have been cute in his younger years.
5. Your friend, Stephanie or something is going to an all-female screening of Wonder Woman. Do you:
A) Go: "oh cool, have fun"
B) Be slightly put out that you can't go too even though you think Wonder Woman is pro-war propaganda
C) Get so personally offended of being outcast that you try and attend anyway and shriek that it's sexist when turned away, even though you didn't want to see it anyway.
6. Your friend, Paula or something confides in you that she has body confidence issues, yet in your opinion you think she's a very attractive young lady. Do you:
A) Empathise with her and listen to what she has to say.
B) Derail the conversation by talking about your anxiety disorder.
C) Go, "oh gurl whatever, look at you!" before touching her body without her permission (it's OK, you're gay, it's fine!) and telling her how much harder it is to be a gay man (straight guys are so much hotter!).
7. Your friend, Heather or something asks if you want to go to a queer history talk with her. Do you:
A) Accept, it's always enlightening to learn about the people that paved the way for you.
B) Click 'maybe' on the event with no intention of going but reblog a few gifsets of 'Paris is Burning' to get over the guilt.
C) "Who's Marsha P. Johnson?"
8. Your friend, Martin or something explains he hates 'femme' gay men. Do you:
A) Point out that maybe the issues he has are built on society's hatred of women and femininity. Say that maybe he should look into why he feels that way and discuss internalised homophobia.
B) Roll your eyes and subtweet the cunt.
C) Agree with him! "Gurl, I'm gay I want a MAN not some faggy little twink!"
9. "Do you have a moment for Gay Rights?"
A) Sure, what are you raising money for?
B) Mouth the word "sorry" and look sad.
C) "Honey, I do enough for gay rights! I have to go, my £1 wristband for Heaven expires in 20 minutes" (You then walk off humming 'Shake it off' by Taylor Swift).
10. A black trans model calls out society's embedded structural racism in a Facebook post after the US experiences one of the most shocking displays of violent white nationalism in history. Do you:
A) Read the post and consider her point of view, think of ways in which you can help. Research the issue.
B) Read the headline of a left-leaning op-ed piece about the post and retweet it without reading it.
C) Become so furious after only reading a Daily Mail summary of the original post that you bitterly like racist and transphobic posts about her and write comments along the lines of "I'm not racist but..", "not ALL white people" and "Don't bite the hand that feeds, love!". Do exactly no research about this issue ever.
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You got:
Mostly A's.
You're a good gay boy. You know your queer history and you know that the world doesn't revolve around you and your ego.
Mostly B's.
You're me lol.
Mostly C's.
You're trash, Mary.