Theme song:
Holly's Goblin Race
You're a gob-lin!
Holly's Goblin Race
And you smell like one too
Holly's Goblin Race
Sharpen your fin-gers
Holly's Goblin Race
Make a dress out of skinnnn
Main Prizes:
A year’s supply of badger eggs
12 cursed shillings
A signed photograph of Bournemouth during a heatwave
Mini challenge prizes:
EGGS!!!!
A maiden voyage
One winter’s supply of fingernails
The eyes of a prom queen crow
$50,000 Canadian dollars
The creative rights to the song “Aint No Mountain High Enough”
A headline slot at V Fest
A sit down meal with Holly at a stranger’s home without their consent
Talent:
Each contestant has to display their SHIT
S - Sweating
H - Hissing
I - Itchiness
T - Treachery
Filming location:
Under a bridge near a car park with a big dirty puddle in it. The goblins get ready in the car park and can use the puddle as a mirror if necessary. The main stage is made of cat bones (sponsored by cat bones)
Judges:
Holly - prime goblin, wearer of the goblin crown, has really sharp fingers and has an extensive knowledgeable of cheesestring, cheese slices and lunchables
Lucy - Doesn't speak and doesn't have eyes. Communicates by vomiting various substances on the contestants. (Eg. Vomits blood on the facial area = you brought it this week, sweaty!/ Vomits a single bee that lands on the contestant’s knee = why isn't your neck sinched?)
The Fatberg - giant sweating fatberg unearthed from the sewers - wants to see more versatility
Guest Judges:
The laughing cow
Gollum
Trisha Paytas
Lydia’s mum from Towie
Mr. Twit
Alexa
The rat king
Michelle Williams
Crew:
The Pit Crew: lots of people from a pit
Challenges:
Wakey Wakey! - Construct a garment from the leftovers of a nan’s wake
Capri Sons - Ferment Capri Suns in your own body
Wotcha!! - Ruin a picnic
Laffin wiv Lattin - Learn 6 dead languages and scream all of them at once at someone’s baby shower
Dreamgoblins - Do a Broadway show but with only tummy noises, nose bleeds and screaming. The audience will all really loudly be eating crisps
Guess how many bees - the goblins just have to speculate about how many bees there are for like 40 minutes
How many can you eat - the goblins go to a playground and see how many they can eat
Snatch Game - the goblins have to snatch as many babies as poss
Elimination set up:
The bottom two have to riddle for their lives. The goblin who tells the best riddle gets to stay and the losing goblin is consumed by the cast and crew
Sponsors:
Thistles
Toe knives
Skegness Tourist Board
Nivea
Cat Dealey’s forehead wipes